How do I respond?

Joy and Pain, all wrapped into one ... that's how I feel about my pregnancy currently.  I so want to be excited and find the joy in everything there is about being pregnant and bringing a blessing into this world.  However, the all-consuming worry has a way of creeping in and stealing that excitement and joy.

It's so difficult to put on a smiling face and talk about this pregnancy to acquaintances and strangers alike.  They ask questions that normally would be no big deal and are completely normal.  I know that their hearts are in a good place and just trying to express their congratulations for our baby, but sometimes I just want to hide and act like I'm not pregnant. 

"When are you due?"  March 31st is my reply.  Do I tell them that my doctor is hoping that I make it to March at this point?  Would that open up a whole bag of worms that I just am not ready to talk about?  Hmmm ... I'm not sure if someone trying to just make small talk really is prepared to hear about all of the possible complications that could arise due to the increased protein in the amniotic fluid and the potential health concerns for Kenton and what he and our family have in store.

"How are you feeling?"  Well, I feel emotionally and physically exhausted, a wreck at times, like my word is crumbling around me, like everything I have ever known about being a mother is completely being challenged, and complete worry (to name a few).  Yep, not doing that either.  So, I'm feeling good, just a little tired.

So, as I reflect upon today, try to enjoy some quiet time to myself (while fighting with an over-tired Talan to give in and fall asleep), and Aaron is out with the guys for a much-needed break, the emotions come flooding back.  I know that my feelings are completely normal and to be expected, but I still strongly dislike them (since we don't use the word hate in our house).

Yep ... here's another one of my favorite songs right now that kind of sums up how I'm feeling at this moment.  Have I mentioned that music really has a way of speaking straight to my heart?  :-)